Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
