I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
