the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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