I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
