I wanna bring you to show and tell
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
