I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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