he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sex in a hospital.. check
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
