Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
