I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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