It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
