Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
