I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
