Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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