I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
