I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
