i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We got so high we made milksteak
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
