p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The best revenge is premature balding
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
