That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
