You work out of a Hotel?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
