"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
