im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
