She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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