remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
