the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The air was thick with penises
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
