Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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