Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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