dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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