I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
