I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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