your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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