so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
