It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
