hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
