I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
