Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
