I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
