today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
