I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
