If i come over, it means nothing
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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