Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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