remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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