i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know her cup size but not her name....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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