I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
