his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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