you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
