i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
