Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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