I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
