wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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