I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
